


Beneath the Masks

by Karenkk



Category: Figure Skating RPF, X JAPAN
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rough Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19393072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karenkk/pseuds/Karenkk
Summary: Eventually, all masks cracked, and Toshl just happened to be there to catch the fallen pieces.RPS disclaimer applies.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Toshl's endless gushing about Yuzu for this.

Toshl's first impression of Yuzuru Hanyu was how beautiful his smile was. He was no stranger of those - the ones that were practiced at the front of mirrors polished to perfection. They were perfect from every angle, constructed with just the right amount of sincerity, respect, and distance. The Prince of Ice bowed to the perfect 45 degrees and held it for just the right amount of time to show his respect to a senior member of the society and the newest addition to his ice show. Every movement was precise and perfect, showing off his beautiful line and posture. He was a picture of innocence and pureness and Toshl immediately classified him as one of "those people". 

He had worked in the entertainment industry for most of his life and he was familiar with the type - men and women who built layers and layers of walls around themselves and hid their true selves behind masks. But he wasn't one to judge, for he had set of his own as well. Either way, he was there to fulfill a job, nothing more. It was a nice break from his responsibility toward X-Japan, and the demands from his ever-demanding band leader. 

Yuzuru was the perfect collaborator and zacho*. Toshl watched how he managed the casts expertly, a delicate network of people who were either his seniors or juniors. He was the perfect senpai when taking care of the younger ones, making sure they felt welcome and included. He was the perfect kohai when he ensured all the older members received sufficient amount of attention and had their needs taken care of. He switched between these roles as effortlessly as he glided on ice, all intricate steps with the seemingly natural ease that was only possible after years of practice. 

Toshl was at the receiving end of such attention many times himself. The younger man came around often for a quick chat, sometimes about preparation for the show, but mostly getting to know him in order to build a rapport, as superficial as it might be. He often came bearing small gifts, a bar of lozenge during rehearsal breaks or a steaming cup of licorice root tea at the end of the night, knowing his history of vocal issues. Those little gestures easily endeared him to the recipients. 

He was also quite involved in group choreography and the shows in general. He covered all basis, no details were too small. And all these were done in addition to the endless media and endorsement duties that demanded his attention. And yet, he juggled all his responsibilities with seemly well-practiced ease, with support of a slew of staff members who were familiar with his ways of doing things. 

Yuzuru's quest for perfection of course extended to his skating. He politely asked Toshl to sing, again and again, just to polish the two programs, no details were too small. He didn't stop when the older man was on the break, he skated to the recordings with full focus as well. Each jumps landed on the beat, each movement matched to the note. Beneath all that relentless quest for perfection, Toshl couldn't help but wonder what was his driving force. He was fascinated. After all, it was a great distraction from the phone that vibrated constantly in his pocket. 

Most of the cast and crew were regulars. Many were even friends. The atmosphere was friendly enough. But beneath it all, Toshl could sense an unease that was quietly brewing. There was an unspoken tension in the air, almost like an open secret that only remained undisclosed to the newcomers. Toshl contributed it to having so many people from different nationalities, seniorities in one room, and the unavoidable awkwardness stemming from language barriers. He didn't think too much of it. After all, he was there to do a job, not to make friends. 

But it didn't take long for the first crack to appear on Yuzuru's mask. The first week into the rehearsal, Toshl caught him on his knees before Plushenko in one of the dressing rooms. His lips were red and swollen, moisten with saliva and precum. His eyes were so dark, with no hint of emotion visible. 

The Russian cursed, and quickly stuff his still hard penis back into his pants. His fair skin flushed bright red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. He avoided Toshl's eyes as he hastily walked pass him by the door. And Yuzuru, whose breath was still a little erratic from the exertion, met the older man's gaze head-on. There were a few brief moments of silence, as each of them evaluated one another. 

Yuzu was the first one to look away. He got up from the floor, gave yet another one of those ever perfect bows before leaving the room. Toshl returned the gesture purely out of force of habit. 

Toshl wasn't surprised to find the younger man at his door that night. After all, there were things needed to be said after the incident in the morning. The younger man could hardly afford to have such blemish on his otherwise pristine reputation. So Toshl wasn't exactly taken aback when Yuzuru's hands cupped his face, and his lips met with his. Those lips tasted so sweet and enticing, as his long lashes trembled before Toshl's eyes, casting shadows on his ever innocent face. After all, the most effective way to silence a witness was to ensure they had a stake in a scandal as well. 

The older man knew he should have pushed him away. With his life being complicated as it was, he could hardly afford another complication. And yet there he was, moaning into that kiss. He felt a pair of hands fondling with his belt and zipper enthusiastically before that hot mouth swallowed him whole. It was all he needed to ignore his phone that had been vibrating nonstop on his desk. His knees buckled as he struggled to hold himself up, as he felt that talented tongue running down his erection with long teasing strokes.

He blamed his weak resolve on the fact that he had no one but his own hands for company for so long, so he couldn't find it in himself to say no when the younger man lead him onto his own bed. 

He propped himself up with his arms, ignoring protest from the muscles that were not as enduring as they used to be, as his eyes greedily took in the beautiful view before him - all smooth lines and beautiful expansion of skin. Yuzuru looked even more androgynous from the back, with his elegant shoulders, and that ridiculous tiny waist. And yet, there was nothing soft about that body. It was all well-defined muscles, without an ounce of excess fat. He was so perfect that Toshl couldn't help but wondered if he was indeed human. And yet there were bruises resulted from training marring that otherwise perfect view, making him so beautiful and yet so real. 

Yuzuru supported himself with one hand as his body curved backward, while the other reaching back to steady Toshl's erection, as he lowered himself onto it. Clearly came prepared, he was already well lubricated. Toshl watched avariciously as that puckered hole expanded to accommodate him. Yuzuru moaned needily, muscles on his butt cheeks flexing while he slowly sunk down. An inch by inch, in an agonizing slowness that aimed to drive both of them crazy. After what felt like an eternity he was fully seated on Toshl's lap, every inch of his erection finally inside.

Toshl could hardly look away, as those powerful thighs lifted him up and then slammed him back down again and again. Slowly the younger man picked up the pace. Toshl's groans intertwined with Yuzuru's needy moans, as the sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoed through the hotel room. That beautiful body came alive on top the older man. His shoulder blades moved like wings, as the muscles contracted. And Toshl gave in to his desire helplessly as Yuzuru took what he wanted. He drove his own hips upward in rapid strokes, despite the protest of his back, obsessed with forcing out more moans from that the younger man. 

Yuzuru threw his head back as he gasped for air, pushing his body harder and further as he pursued his orgasm. Moistened with sweat, some of his hair stuck to the back of the neck while the rest moved in wild abandon. Toshl was almost sad that he was unable to witness those dark eyes being clouded with desire from this angle. 

When Yuzuru finally came, he came with another man's name on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My attempt at the reverse cowboy position for Mother_North.
> 
> *Zacho座长: Yuzuru's title in FaOI, like a leader of the troupe.


	2. Chapter 2

It was difficult to feign interest after that, Yuzuru supposed, as Toshl's erection lay half hard on his hands. But he persisted with sheer stubbornness. The same stubbornness that carried him through countless injuries, defeats, and disappointments. Because what else did he possess at that point? 

He stroked, a familiar act that he could do without putting much thought into. His fingers formed a tight ring, sliding along the penis in long sensual strokes. It was the only way he knew how. Javier's preferences and habits had long imprinted into his brain, influencing him in so many ways, even during sex. 

He groaned in frustration from the lack of response of his partner. It was a show that had become increasingly difficult to go on. Part of him wondered whether he should try some dirty talk at this point, just to hurry the matter along. 

Eventually, warm fingers overlapped with his, gently directing more attention to the head of the cock. Yuzuru looked up, only to see something almost akin kindness being reflected in those eyes. He looked away, cheeks inflamed. Pity was the last thing he wanted.

It took what felt like an eternity for the older man to come. Yuzuru watched as cum finally spurting cross his palms, signaling the end of a transaction. He grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand to wipe down his fingers. Humiliation and shame tasted bitter in his dry mouth, too thick to swallow down. He got dressed quickly. With a murmur of farewell, he was out of the door. Ultimately, what needed to be done was done. Now that man was also complicit in a scandal. Mutually assured destruction always served as the best insurance policy.

All his affords in avoiding Javier proved to be wasted the next day, when the Spaniard finally succeeded in corning him right at the end of their rehearsal. He supposed at this point a confrontation was unavoidable. After all, people who were used to them being virtually inseparable already took notice of their estranged behaviors. There were already talks and rumors, all sorts of wild speculations being made behind their backs. They had all became a source of distraction to the show. As the zacho, it fell on him to ensure a smooth operation. So he let his ex training mate dragged him to the nearest empty room, citing the need for a talk.

He could barely remember the last time they did that. Even the night before the Spaniard leaving for his last European Championship competition, when they did everything but talking.

Being in the same room with his ex rink mate in private was almost unbearable. Especially not when he was the sole focus of those intense eyes, which bored into him mercilessly. 

Yuzuru looked away and instantly berated himself for being a coward. Still, there was enough time for him to catalog the subtle changes on the Spaniard. Javier had clearly gained a bit of weight. Retirement life had spared him from strict training and diet regimes. And home cooked Spanish meals that were made to indulge probably played a factor too. His hair was a little shorter than he remembered, well trimmed and sleeked back with styling gel and perspiration. Even his scent was different, his usual cologne intertwined with different brands of detergent and fabric softener than the ones that he used in Toronto. Clearly, pampered and spoiled by a woman who treasured him, Javier radiated an aura of contentment.

Yuzuru swallowed hard, the urge to reach out and touch was still so strong after all those months. It was a stupid habit that refused to die no matter how hard he tried.

"You look good, Yuzu." Finally, Javier was the one to break the silence, knowing the Japanese was petty enough not to give in further.

Yuzuru plastered a smile onto his face, the one he reserved for outsiders - perfect, polite and impersonal. He supposed he did. His body was a well-maintained machine, work of various people who dedicated their time and efforts in order to keep it at its best possible condition. And he did his share by filling his days with training, studying and resting as his schedule dictated. Every minute of his day had been planned out, so nothing to be spared for unnecessary thoughts and feelings. 

"How is Marina? Laura told me you moved in together after moving back to Spain." Two could play the game, he supposed.

Now it was Javier's turn to look away uncomfortably, "It's been good."

The Japanese nodded politely, feigning happiness for his friend as any decent person would. The rational side of him wanted it to be a jab that hurt. But a small part of him had hoped for a different answer. He laughed at that tiny little hope hidden inside of him under locks and keys, it still refused to die after all this time. 

Cortney, Miki, and Marina. Just how many more times before he was finally ready to learn his lesson?

Yuzuru stayed around for a few moments longer, just long enough to be polite, as he inquired about Javier and his retirement life, before bidding his farewell, "We are happy to have you and your team here. All the best for the performances."

So he turned away to leave, only to be caught by the other man's hand. Javier's fingers tightened around his wrist. The ever familiar body temperature raised Yuzuru's pulse instantly despite his effort to remain unaffected. 

Just like that, all the buried memories came rushing back. It was almost like they were back in Toronto, back on that bed in the older man's apartment, with the Spaniard's mouth on his inner thighs. His facial hair scratched his delicate skin as those lips left bruising marks, one after another. Yuzuru had his hands on his head, urging him on with desperation akin to a man dying of thirst. The Japanese moaned, savoring the pleasure beneath the pain until he could no longer distinguish the difference. 

Cortney, Miki, and Marina - he reminded himself sternly as he quickly composed himself.

As a person of logic and science, he understood love was nothing more than emotions driven by various chemical components produced by the brain, a rollercoaster of chaotic and uncontrollable feelings as they bombarded the neural pathways. And yet here he was, a perfect example of being a slave to primal chemical reactions. A single touch was enough to trigger enough release of norepinephrine so his heart rate went out control. Just like that, his entire world once again narrowed down to that single moment and that single person. 

It took all of his strength to remove every one of these digits from his wrist, while he looked straight into Javier's eyes. Those long lashes that framed soft chocolate colored eyes fluttered under his gaze, those irises blown with desire. The Spaniard was clearly just as affected. Yuzuru knew he had to get out of the room quickly, knowing all too well where this about to lead to. 

Not this time, he firmly reminded himself. Repeating the same mistakes, again and again, would never change the outcome. 

So he left the room, with his breath laboring, and pulse racing, a mess of emotions coursing hotly beneath his skin. He ran blindly until he smacked into Antonio Najarro who happened to walk by. Those strong arms righted him before he could lose his balance. Yuzuru instinctively looked up. He murmured his apology as he took into those strong Spanish features, deep-set eyes, and sharp cheekbones. In that split second, he knew exactly what he needed. His lips curled invitingly, while his eyes burnt with wildness and seduction. He watched as understanding dawned on that handsome face, knowing full well he was going to get his way.

That night, that particular Spaniard came knocking his door. No words were exchanged. Before long, Yuzuru found himself writhing beneath that man, gasping in needy moans. He basked in pleasure as a rush of dopamine flooded across his body. After all, emotions could be redirected; habits could be reformed; just like the neural pathways could be rewired. 

Cortney, Miki, and Marina - And this time he would make sure it was different.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuzu gasped as he was forcibly slammed against the locker door, the sound of his body colliding with the metal frame echoed throughout the change room. But he was silenced almost immediately as a tongue made its way into his mouth, essentially gagging him. Almost as if he weighed nothing, the other man propped him up by his thighs, his grip so strong that the Japanese bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from making a sound. 

Those large hands took hold of his legs and pushed them upward, making sure he was spread wide open and vulnerable. The older man buried himself inside of him in one hard stroke, fingers dug so hard onto his thighs that the skin turned red almost immediately. Yuzuru didn't want any preparation, and the older man gave him exactly that, with only the lube on the condom slicking the way. 

Antonio was all hard muscles and strong bones, heated skin on top of him. Yuzuru welcomed his brutality, enjoyed being manhandled. There was not an ounce of care or affection, as his thigh muscles twitched in pain in that awkward position. They both understood exactly what it was, and what it wasn't. And it was so nice to have that clarity. 

Unlike Javier, who never failed to confuse him with his gentle caress and cruel actions, making him confound physical gratification with love and affection. 

It was hard to watch his ex rink mate sharing his new life in Spain with the crew. A life that he was no longer apart of. The Spanish sun, the 3 bedroom house that he bought with Marina within walking distance to the beach, the drinks he had with his buddies over the weekends, the ice shows he ran all over Spain, and a training school which held his ambitions and dreams that was about to be built. And after forcing himself to sit through 10 minutes of that, Yuzuru found himself a much better way to spend the rest of his lunch break. 

"Yuzuru, eres tan guapo*" Antonio groaned as he squeezed his butt cheeks hard, making Yuzuru moaned like a slut, like what he was probably calling him. He shivered as the older man pronounced his name in the exact way that Javier did, the "z" that always sounded more like "s" in that distinctive Spanish accent. The Japanese thrust his hips forward just as enthusiastically, suddenly couldn't get enough as animalistic lust coiled in his stomach. 

Soon he was flipped over, with his hard nipples pressed against the metal frame. It was cold, hard and painful as his heated flesh abrased against it as the Spaniard took him in a deeper and more maddening pace. He squirmed and whined as his ass cheeks were slapped again and again. The loud slapping sound of skin on skin echoed in the room was in perfect synch with Yuzuru's obscene moans and groans as he basked in the attention. He welcomed the pain as much as the pleasure because it felt more far more real than what he had in the last few years. 

"No puedo negar que quiero que esto sea algo más**..." The Spaniard whispered as his nails dig into Yuzuru's skin painfully hard. The younger man felt his entire body twitched and contracted uncontrollably, knowing full well the intense sensation it would provide for his partner. The older man answered his enthusiasm with deeper and harder strokes, almost like he was aiming to break him apart. Yuzuru threw his head back, hands holding on to each side of the locker desperately, as he was swept into the maddening force of Antonio.

With last few thrusts, Yuzuru felt the cock inside of him buried to the tilt, then the older man stilled on top of him with a low groan. He was almost sad that a condom was in place to prevent him from feeling the cum coating him on the inside. 

He winced as Anothio withdrew, a sense of emptiness mingled with pain. But it was amended quickly as a calloused hand reached out for his erection, getting him off with a few quick strokes.

Afterward, he stretched like a satiated cat, feeling tension giving away from every vertebra, muscle, and joint. All the strain being replaced by dull and throbbing pain in his entire body, but the ache had felt so good. His beautiful body was fully on display under the other man's dark gaze, porcelain skin marred with cum and red bruises and that would surely darken over time. It was a beautiful canvas that he felt no shame of displaying it.

The afternoon was so much easier to put up with. It was easier to ignore his ex training mate and his band of friends when his every movement a reminder of his little indulgence during the lunch break. He savored the pain and soreness. They were not so different from what he felt after winning a gold medal while enduring the strain on his ankle. After all, it was reminder of what he was willing to sacrifice to get what he wanted. 

Before they all packed up and called it a day, Anothio casually walked by and leaned in to whisper into his ears, "Tonight, 8 o'clock in my room?" 

Yuzuru looked up, he gazed into those distinctively Spanish features, deep-set eyes and sharp bone structure and lips that were hard, firm and yet so kissable and smiled. He certainly didn't mind a repeat performance of the lunch break.

Instead, he arrived in a room of softly played music, a table set with flowers, and lit candles, and an array of his favorite dishes. An understanding suddenly hit him like a truck. His eyes widened, as panicked filled him. The smile disappeared from Antonio's face, as he made a grab for his arm, and Yuzuru flinched away out of pure instinct. He knew he had to getaway. And he did exactly that. 

In mere minutes, he found himself banging on Javier's door. His vision was hazy with anger. He knew he was making a scene and at that moment he didn't care. He pushed through the door the moment it was opened.

He used that momentum to push Javier right against the wall, and yelled, "What did you do? "

Javier, with a gentle smile that never quite reached his eyes, let himself be held in such a compromised position, "All I want is to have dinner with you."

Yuzuru followed his line of sight and took in the scene that was not far from where he stood: a table decorated with candles, roses with soft pedals that glistened underneath the soft lights, and the aroma of his favorite dishes gently circulating the air. It was an unnerving replica of what he had just witnessed in Antonio's room.

Yuzuru let go of him and stepped back. It was finally dawn to him that Javier somehow convinced Antonio that he was looking for more than sex, when in fact it couldn't be further from the truth. So Antonio did exactly that, organized a date, well as close to a date as possible given they were in Japan and Yuzuru couldn't step outside of his room with at least a bodyguard. And Javier, as much as Yuzuru hated to say, knew him like the back of his hand. So here he was, exactly where his ex training mate wanted him to be, just like a helpless puppet.

The Japanese knew he had stepped into a trap, and his first instinct was to get out of there. But Javier wasn't ready to let him go. His strong arms held his waist, keeping him exactly where he wanted him to be, "You were given a choice and here you are." 

"Let me go! You have a girlfriend!"

Apparently, that was all the conversation Javier ready to have, as he pushed the younger man against the wall. Their bodies collided together as he kissed him hard. Their mouths and limps were a tangle of mess, but it took no time for them to conform to each other, the exact same way they had been all these years. That familiar scent and body heat caused goosebumps on Yuzuru's skin. Javier's lips and tongue coaxed him into responding with familiar ease, as soft stubble rubbed against his face and scraped his skin. 

"I've missed you so much," Javier whispered, his accent thick and his voice shaking. 

Yuzuru moaned against the assault hopelessly, his body remembered Javier all too well. For a moment, it was almost like they were back in Toronto, in that little apartment, pretending they still had each other. 

The Spaniard grabbed his jet black hair, forcing his head to the side as he kissed his way down his long elegant neck. Yuzuru entire body shook helplessly. He was a hypersensitive muddle, victim of his own uncontrollable desire. His insatiable body begged for more, as Javier devoured his neck. He bit, sucked and licked that soft pale skin, reducing the Japanese to a shameless moaning mess. 

It wasn't until his aimless gaze took in the unfamiliar surrounding around him that kicked his brain into gear. It took him painful seconds to realize where he was and what he was doing. No, he was no longer that stupid child who believed they still had a chance to mend fences. What was broken would always remain so.

Shame was a powerful force, enough for him to shove Javier away. The older man leaned against the opposite of the wall, panting, eyes wide with disbelief. For a moment, he felt a surge of power inside of him, even though his heart clenched and ached. 

He cursed at his stupid and insatiable body, always craving for more. A weakness he couldn't ditch no matter how much sex he had. 

"I just wanted to have dinner with you," Javier pleaded.

So Yuzuru made his way to the dining table and shoved a few forkfuls of food into his month. He force himself to swallow them down without much chewing before throwing the fork onto the table, "Are you satisfied now?"

Javier looked almost heartbroken, "I just wanted to talk."

Yuzuru laughed like he just heard the world's best joke. When was the last time they tried that? 2 years and 25 days ago. Javier organized a date night in, with exact same setting and dishes, and they talked about their futures, hope, and fears, with their hands tightly held together. And yet a month later, the Spaniard posted his selfie with his new girlfriend on his Instagram account, and with all his friends congratulating the new couple.

"We were done with talking a long time ago," Yuzuru said as he walked out of the door, desperately want to put some distance between them. He was overwhelmed with anger and a tingle of sadness, as one of the very few good memories they still had marred with lie and manipulation.

"You never took that ring that I wanted you to have." Javier murmured behind, so quietly that Yuzuru almost missed it.

He only paused by the door long enough until it slid shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation from Spanish:  
> * Eres tan guapo: You are so beautiful/handsome  
> ** No puedo negar que quiero que esto sea algo más: I can't deny I want this to be more (than just sex)
> 
> Special thanks to @yuzuspiration for providing help with Spanish.
> 
> Next update is probably never, because I still haven't worked out how to fix Toshl and Yuzu's relationship after that awkward sex. 🤷🏻♀️

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and feedbacks are always appreciated.


End file.
